Hello all – 

I can’t believe how long it has been since I’ve posted anything here. Aside from a reading list I posted back in June of 2023, I’ve fully disappeared. A lot has changed in my universe, and as much as I’d like books to very much still be my main source of joy, that is no longer true. Yes, I still adore reading, but I don’t have time to dedicate to the pages the way I once did. I’m going to use this post as a way to give an overall glimpse into what’s been going on and then see what happens moving forward. 

I know that along with my book reviews & travels, I’d also post random life updates whenever there was a long stretch between posts. These types of posts occurred more once I moved house and became more frequent when my father’s health issues accelerated. The pandemic threw its ugly wrench into how everyone in my circle operated and this space was put on the back-burner. Let’s try to backtrack a bit, and please bear with me. It’s been a long while since I’ve sat down to write a big, old blog post. 

Grab a snack, drink & get comfy. 

I had gotten a great job opportunity amid the lockdown and when I wasn’t working, I was helping my family gear up for my dad’s long-anticipated kidney transplant (also delayed due to covid). My mom donated her kidney in February of 2023 and things were great. We had some adjustments to make as a family, but after years of doctors, hospitals, and prepping him to get into ideal shape to be cleared for transplant, we felt like we could finally breathe, and we did until the end of the summer 2023. In August of that year, 6 months post-transplant, dad wound up in the hospital once again with a slew of problems. He hadn’t been feeling well for most of that summer and despite doctors frequently telling us it was side effects of medications and a back injury we’d get fixed, it was far more serious. Dad was in ICU from August to October with an uphill battle. He’d had an infection that developed into sepsis which led to a stroke and other problems. It was an absolute roller coaster for all of us that culminated with us losing him. The mental and emotional trauma of not only losing a parent, but spending their last hours with them is something I’d never wish on anyone. It’s been exceedingly difficult to adjust to life without him after we spent so long fighting to get him well. His kidney transplant was supposed to be his fresh start and his reward for years of battling CKD and diabetes. 

Dad’s life was celebrated between October 17th and 18th of 2023. I returned to work that following Monday, trying to wrap my head around getting back to some kind of new normal. While dad had been in the hospital, I was so thankful to have such an understanding team around me. I worked from home, had a flexible schedule, and unlimited PTO. Still, I tried as best I could not to take advantage of such perks. I attended every meeting & checked in with my team several times a week. Sometimes, I’d work nights after visiting hours if I was able. Growing up, my parents instilled hard work into me. Combine that with my Capricorn mentality and my love for my job/team, I looked forward to getting back to work. I was as happy as I could be to have the reprieve of getting out of my head. I wanted to be distracted with projects and responsibilities – until the rug was brutally yanked from underneath me yet again. I got a single week back to my routine before I received a meeting request. The first week of November 2023, I was part of a layoff due to “company restructuring”. Sure, being laid off sucks and it’s something I, thankfully, had never experienced before. It’s tragic when a person’s livelihood is tampered with, but under some normal circumstance, I’d say it’s part of business (unfortunately). To be laid off just before the holidays is callous. Laid off before the holidays and a week after my father’s funeral? Heartless to the core, and yes, I took it very personally. 

Since that time, I’ve been in a form of survival mode. Even now, 14 months since my dad’s death, I’m still feeling adrift and am trying to figure out where I belong. Between visiting with family and friends, holidays, applying for jobs, and so much more, my grief has been largely forced to the back burner. After a year of job hunting, I still haven’t been able to land a new 9-5 opportunity. The job market has been one of the strangest and most difficult I’ve ever seen, and with every ghosted application or rejection after an interview, I have become more bitter and isolated. The one saving grace has been the small art studio my parents founded almost fifty years ago. 

After dad passed, the interest in his artwork not only increased but has remained consistent to this day. I found that in order to be close to him, spend time with (and help) my mother, and honor dad’s memory, I’d get creative while being productive. I used the marketing skills I had learned in an office, mixed it with any tips dad showed me growing up, and also art classes I took in school to keep the operation running smoothly. My mom and I are now officially partners and I double as both a small business owner and an artist. I’m fortunate that I’ve had such an opportunity to bring a little family-run studio into the next chapter, but I’d honestly do anything to have my dad back if given the chance. 

All of this being said, I am still reading – but I went from averaging a hundred+ books a year to maybe ten. I’m sure that will change with time as I get into a groove again, but there’s still so much to process. My grief still comes in immense waves which can be paralyzing, I spend long hours working, and the attention needed to get lost in books & retain the information isn’t always available to me. Any time I usually have, it’s late and I’m looking for something mindless like scrolling social media until my eyes close. 

I have debated keeping this space at all. Owning a domain requires a financial investment that has seemed pointless to spend on when not being used. I can’t bring myself to hit cancel/delete. I have years of work on here I don’t want to lose. Ideally, I’d love to get back to it and have something for myself once more. For years, I genuinely enjoyed rambling on about books just cause. Having the reading community to accompany my nonsense here & on social channels was an added bonus. I have to compartmentalize better and find the enthusiasm I once had. I know that my dad would want me to keep on with it. He was proud that my little blog had helped to get me into the marketing field and use my words in new ways. He certainly would not want me laying around sad and wasting time when I could be productive. 

Anyway, I’m more than rambling and “blabbing” at this point. I have an archive of books I’ve read since abandoning this site, but have yet to play a proper catch-up and write full reviews. I’ll do the best I can getting them up and returning to my fictional universes. If you’re still here or willing to return after a time away, I appreciate your patience and understanding. I know blogs are nowhere near the main way to consume content these days, so it’s likely I’m only posting this for me, but in the event anyone else stumbles upon this blog again, I’m happy to have you!

Until next time, be well & happy reading. 

xx